Monday, July 18, 2016

Ask First!

As you might have guessed, I live in a suburb of New York City, on Long Island. But I go to the city as much as I can, as long as it's not snowing or raining. I prefer to walk as much as I can (yes, I realize I can't actually walk). The buses are helpful for going long distances, but I'm usually in midtown.

I came across this article through one of my Facebook friends, The Disabled Foodie, who is also a wheelchair-bound New Yorker, called "Nine things you should never say to a wheelchair user". https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2016/jul/18/nine-things-never-say-wheelchair-user

ALL. ARE. TRUE.

1. "Don't run me over"

Because I was trying to stomp on your foot. I have never met you in my life, but I apparently wish you pain. And if you choose to stand still, it's on you, not me, buddy. Except kids. I hate running over kids, because I have a soul.

2. "Do you have a license to drive that thing?"

Nope. Do you have a license to drive your car? And fyi, I'm not four-years-old, so it's not funny.

3. "What happened to you then?"

I don't find this as offensive/idiotic as "Do you sleep in the chair?" Most people are asking because they truly want to know. Or they are asking for their kids. For all they know, I wasn't born disabled. And people do cringe at their own question, which I find funny.

4. "Don't assume we can't read"

Grrrrr. Yes, I can read a menu. I even have a Master's. From Fordham. Don't ask my mom what "she" wants to eat.

5. "Nice to see people like you in a pub/club/the street"

This has personally never happened to me, but really? This has happened to people? Who are "people like you"? Humans?

6. "Well done for getting out and about"

I get it. Tourists are afraid to be in the city alone. Even my aunt. But it can be done. I'm not some great miracle worker for being driven to the train, being helped on and off, and then rolling to my destination. Stop telling me how "brave" I am for leaving my house alone. And no, I don't have an aide, thank you very much.

7. "Is anyone with you? Why are you alone?"

When did I turn into Little Orphan Annie? If I want to go to a concert or a Broadway show, I go. Usually, if no one is with me, it's because no one in my family was interested in the show. That doesn't make me abandoned or unloved. I can eat where I want to eat, when I want to, no one else butting in with their own choices. It's also fun to people-watch. Try it.

8. "Don't try to drive our chairs"

I appreciate it, I really do. You're my savior. I can't stand the people who just walk right past me.But ask first. Don't try to give me a heart attack when my chair suddenly moves. "Look Ma, no hands!" does not apply here. And if you must push me, could you make sure you understand "no" and "stop" first? Let me do the pop-a-wheelies at the curbs. Don't make me scream outside Bergdorf's because you rammed me into the curb, causing me to pitch forward and almost slide out of the chair. Thank God for seat belts!

9. "Come to my religious institution and be cured"

No, I don't need to know Jesus. I know him. And He loves all His children the way they are, remember? I don't need to be "saved" or "cured". I don't need you to pray over me like you're administering Last Rites. Keep your pamphlet, I have somewhere to be!

I encourage my readers to think about all this. Don't talk to us like we're children, or act like we're invisible. Help us when you see us struggling, but make sure we actually need the help. Don't pity me, or make sure I'm not lying and hope for someone to be with me. If something happens to me, it's on me, not you. "Liability" only goes so far, and then comes common sense.

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